It's easy to forget the difficulty of the beginning of the school year.
Some women have told me that they don't remember the pain of childbirth, otherwise they might not have gone through it again. For me, I think I don't always remember the toil of the early days of school. I don't always remember the almost inhuman patience needed to reinforce and redirect and remind. I forget my early mantra: "they're six, they're just six... they don't know this yet." I forget my own personal mantra, "you don't suck... you love this... you can do it..." I know about these things, sure, but I don't remember them.
I wonder if I did, would I be so eager and ready to start a new school year each time?
The beginning of the year creates such a disequilbrium because there is always so much new, even in the midst of the familiar.
Yesterday I said to one of my colleagues about my class, "They're going to be awesome, but they're not awesome yet."
When I think on it though, what I might mean is that I'm not awesome yet. I'm still finding what works for this class, for these kids, so that I can do right by them.
I hope I find it.