Tonight at my dance class, the dance teacher of the other (harder) tap class was absent, so they combined our two classes. Then, one of the students in the other class led us through the class.
It was really, really hard. Whoa. After the first ten minutes or so, I found myself sort of overwhelmed with these things we were doing that I just Could. Not. Do. Well. Also, I was at the end of the line as we practiced across the floor, so everyone could see me having trouble with the steps (naturally I assumed that everyone was watching me screw up. Of course they weren't, but it's easy to feel like everyone's eyes are on you...).
I turned to my friend (I'll call her Angela for now, because she hasn't yet picked a name to be called on my journal, and Angela Lansbury is our current *joke* name for her) Angela and said, "You know, it's sort of good to have this class right now before school starts to give me perspective. I'm about to start acting out."
I really meant it. I've found that when I try new things as an adult, I don't usually have a high tolerance for failure. Not that tonight was a failure, per se, just that it was a lot harder than what I'm used to and I could feel little niggling threads of: "this is too hard" "I'm not doing this" "this is stupid" weaving around inside me.
How appropriate to experience this just before the kids come back, to help me remember what it feels like to perceive myself as *dumb* at something and not want attention called to my shortcomings. I imagine I'm not the only one.